IUD follow up

So right after my lovely experience of expelling my IUD I made a doctor's appointment. First I had to deal with the nurse on the phone: "It did what? It came out? Ew." Then when I got there I had to explain to the medical assistant checking me in; "Wait what happened to it? It came out? Completely? Are you sure?". Yes I'm positive that it came out because it's in my fucking purse in a ziplock! The doctor said he had never heard of it happening to anyone in 18 years of practice except to (and I quote) "big women have cervix open all time". He's asian by the way. At least he gave me some sympathy and vicodin.

I'm thinking of doing this implanon thing. I'm awful at remembering to take pills and the one time I tried the Nuva ring I felt like I was shoving a jelly bracelet in my hoo-ha. And God knows my vagina would probably spit that shit out too.

IUDs can come out

This is probably a terrible first post but who cares. I'd been having awful cramps all day. At first I thought it was just some tummy troubles or due to my period but they just got worse and worse. So after I took a shower post-Zumba (yeah don't hate) I decided to check the strings to my IUD like I do every month after my period. Oh shit...my strings are like 4 inches longer...oh shit is that the tip of the IUD...well maybe I'll just tug the stri-OH FUCK IT CAME OUT OWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Cue me laying on my bathroom floor crying. I felt like I was in labor. Luckily the pain subsided and I took a picture of my IUD and sent it to my friends. And husband. Then my friend showed the picture to her husband.

Sigh.

Now I have to go to the dollar store tomorrow for a pregnancy test. So if you see a young woman with a hellion of a 2 year old buying a $1 pregnancy test...don't judge me. You didn't just birth a contraceptive device.